Monday, March 15, 2010


i swear to you i didn't know this until yesterday , but hbomb was born on august 9th-this was the day in 1945 we dropped the bomb on nagasaki

my wife swears the drs and nurses all commented on this when he arrived but i didn't hear or was too, you know, distracted. So... weird, huh?

i was horribly over served yesterday and just took henry to the dr. today -our pediatrician is a great man but the exam room is the size of a closet and the ceiling is one, giant florescent light. So it feels like you're sitting on the sun -(which reminds me of SNL last week-didn't you think having smash mouth as the monster in your closet was the funniest thing you've seen all year? ) and the temperature in this tiny room was a brisk 92. You know the scene in goodfellas where ray liotta has been up for about 9 days straight and he goes to pick his brother up from the hospital and the dr sees him and is like 'uh what is wrong with you??? come here' This was kinda similar but in a much more PG fashion-we are starting our new record this saturday so i'll be out for awhile -please pray for us that it's not a fiery carwreck of an experience -we'll talk soon

Thursday, March 4, 2010

rainbows, unicorns, sunshine

my last post seems to have given a lot of my kidless friends the wrong idea
your life is ruined but in a weird, great way - let me share some great news!

1.hbomb got his first tooth
2. his poop is just like a real person's now
3. he loves his new bouncy chair
4. i love the way, every year, Texas Ranger baseball people get all optimistic and then it falls apart much like the seasons changing or an infant crapping his pants.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

baby myth busters #4-kids ruin your life

they don't ruin your life -they completely smash it to pieces leaving no recognizable trail or memory of what your life once was -let me explain before you judge-

i've been in rockbands all my life, crisscrossing this white trash land of ours for years. Having some beers with the fellas, going 5-8 days without bathing and not returning phone calls for months-just like everybody else, free and as parasite ridden as a bird!

Even in my youth i never really liked that part of it. I love to travel but not the way a band does. You're constantly late, you always feel like shit and people always seem to be mad at you-i guess because everyone else you're dealing with at clubs/venues is as hungover and tired of all this crap as you are. You don't see anything on the road either except THE road-and the
inside of where you're playing -oh, and how the wendy's in illinois decorates differently from the one in florida. (the differences are slight but worth noticing, each state lovingly adds or subtracts fake plants or glass salt and pepper shakers here and there)

wait, what is this about ? i did it again.... right, babies ruin your life -even one of my very favorite simpsons episodes, marge and homer go in for their official pregnancy test and dr hibbert simply hands them a pamphlet that says 'So you've ruined your life' and if the simpsons said it (92 -99), it was funny because it was true. What i was saying about the band stuff and freedom and all that jazz, i never cared about that anyway -in fact i had made the decision to quit before i found out we were pregnant -

It's called a nap and you'll never get a good one again -just the precious PRIVILEGE of laying your head down on a pillow, it's something you never think about it, is it? Man you don't know what you got til it's gone-your inner head movie may scream I HAVE TO SLEEP OR I'LL DIE AND SO WILL EVERYONE AROUND ME but that's irrelevant. Sure i sleep of course or i would be dead but it's not right-it's fitful and you're constantly on alert now and you dream about going to the grocery store alone.

How bout typing with both hands or leisurely lingering over your lunch for 6 minutes? wanna go see avatard again and again and again and have dinner ? you can, but now you have to
plan it like you would a trip to Paris. Hbomb has taught me not to procrastinate -i'm healed, thanks buddy.

As i sit here typing this, i'm trying to tune out a video he's watching that i think could have been used to flush the Branch Davidians out of the compound.

Part II- The strange part of it is, i don't even remember our old life -not that it seems like a dream or unreal or fuzzy but i don't remember it, at all-Thank God my wife takes pictures like um yeah, a tourist. Or i would have no memory of what i'm bitching about, which is a pretty awesome admission, actually -that i like to complain about stuff i can't even remember.
It's the principle of the thing really, i didn't want all that other stuff anyway, i've had a super amazing, blessed life so far and i've been an idiot and lived to tell about it. I was ready to move on anyhow but i don't like knowing that those things are impossible to us now- I know, it's very childish.

One of my good buddies, we'll just call him Vw, always told me the best part of about having a kid was when you come back from vacation you avoid the staggering post trip depression because you have somebody you love waiting for you -this is totally true and also a total curse.
When you do get time to yourself, all you do is think about your baby and if he's ok and what he's doing and maybe what you've missed.

So to sum up, when you have your child with you all you do is think about when you'll get a break and what you're missing out on and when you do you get a break all you do is think about when you'll get him back and what you're missing out on-

Life. Ruined.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

best picture

every housewife/exhausted new mother loves to throw a big oscar party and i'm no exception-i'm going a little butch this year with a very dry white wine and no spritzers but i still think it will be a fabulous evening -the expanded 10 picture category is intriguing and since i've seen all of them (a feat that is quite impressive with hbomb who is now SIX MONTHS) i thought i would weigh in on my likes and dislikes to get you ready for the big event-

1.precious-haven't seen this one yet

2. blind side-i've always thought the beastie boys, eric clapton, and sandra bullock all made their deals with the same demon and am looking forward to the Lord's promised, eventual overcoming of this evil spirit.

3.hurt locker -just saw this one-yes jeremy renner is great but the movie is severely flawed -the ending is a give up and the cameos are absolutely pointless to blatantly distracting -ralph fiennes shows up just to get shot, david morse to wear a mustache and look intense and the hot girl from lost makes an appearance to chop vegetables and cry -plus, can we please get some distance from the iraq war before we start dramatizing it?-GEEZE education- i have no idea what this is

5. up- what can i say about this movie that hasn't already been said? - you know the drill -the first 10 minutes are the most heartbreaking of all time of any movie ever made -animated or not- and then after that it's a great kids movie that i loved as well -if this wins i would be happy but weirded out that it did

6.inglorious basterds- man trailers can be so misleading - i think this and 'up in the air' are perfect examples of the ol bait and switch -i truly thought this was going to be you know, madcap black comedy, but it's an intense, bloody, thoroughly engaging drama and in my opinion should win best picture -the dialogue alone -Quentin Tarantino is the master -he seems to be the only director that cares about his actors needing to actually SAY SOMETHING -the revenge fantasy part is a little off putting to me but still the movie is original, powerful, lasting. IB won the screen actors guild which is supposed to be the precursor but they'll never let QT have it -he's the mark cuban of hollywood -as a side note -please see jackie brown if you haven't-so underrated and nobody ever knows what i'm talking about when i bring it up-

7. district 9-do you remember when you were young and had zero cares and your spirt was uncrushed and you sat in a theatre and were just totally lost in the film and forgot you were sitting in a chair and then it was over and you were like ' OH WOW'? yes that was a terrible run on sentence but that's how this movie made me feel -i really believed in movies again after watching this one-i am so thankful i saw this in the theatre-the social commentary is biting but not heavy handed and the sci fi aspect is never ridiculous but feels authentic-like human beings have desperately been seeking alien life since the dawn of time and it arrives so we put it in a ghetto because it's not what we had envisioned -Sharlto Copely is one of those actors you watch and wonder why in the hell haven't you seen more of him and less of say, well, other well known south african action/ sci fi heroes -

8. a serious man- haven't seen this one either

9. up in the air - really the marketing for this one is particular - it's pretty hilarious -
i do feel for people who think they're getting a light hearted little george clooney farce because you really do get blindsided by the heaviness of this one- it's a good movie but not great -not great at all -in fact if you want great see michael clayton -clooney should have won for that and if they give him best actor for this well then it's his 'departed' -you know how they gave scorsese the oscar for the departed just because they failed to give it to him for goodfellas?-in fact they should have a special oscar called a scorsese just for these moments- jeff bridges will get his scorsese this year i think -(totally robbed for fisher king)

10. avatard- sigh-i hated this movie - i hated it when i walked out of it and i hate it even more as i try and remember the 8 other great films it rapes and pillages. I wouldn't have such contempt for it if james cameron didn't so arrogantly think you should buy into his bullshit with all your heart and soul-i'm so glad i caught him accepting his golden globe because it helped me pinpoint why i hated it avatard so much- as he was accepting the award in klingon, i realized how much i don't like HIM and you know, a movie (if done correctly) is just an extension of the directors personality- all the characters are cartoons even when not -the tree hugging heroine is named 'grace' -good god -the military peeps all run around and scream 'GITCHA SOME' -the aliens are being exploited by an evil corporation -SOUND FAMILIAR, RIPLEY? also sigourney weaver constantly smoking in her space lab in this day and age is the stupidest looking prop of the year-so i came up with a new word for you -
camerooned-this unfortunate phenomenon occurs when one has his own head stuck so far up his own ass that there is no possible chance of returning it to the surface-

there you have it - oscar night is as important as christmas or the superbowl to women like me so i hope you'll take my thoughts to heart and have a great party!

Monday, January 18, 2010

sad day

i'm very sorry i've been away-we're making another record so i've been writing again
but i'm back because people are threatening me!

this is a sad day- i realized today i love my kid more than my dogs-i don't know when this happened but it has happened -i've ordered pleated jorts and a braided belt and a cell phone holster-i'm done, finished

hbomb returns with reviews of avatard and the battle between pampers and huggies as well as a review of the remastered sound of music soundtrack

thanks for your patience and we hope you're having a great new year

Saturday, December 12, 2009

making a list, checking it twice or until it's RIGHT OR ELSE

i was going thru my christmas list, trying not to buy people the exact same shirt or appliance we had purchased them last year. It occurred to me hbomb has lists now too- in honor of his 4 month old birthday i would like to present them to you

hbombs likes -
1. boobs
2. constant motion
3. 23 16 minute naps spread thru out a 24 hour period
4. ridiculous high pitched voices that finally relieve you of your last shred of dignity
5. the oompa loompa song from the REAL willy wonka film
6. the first 4 minutes of ANY tv show

hbomb dislikes-
1.his swing 2. 'tummy time' 3. the last 26 minutes of ANY tv show 4. his crib 5. any sleeping pattern not associated with being in trench warfare 6. not being stared at constantly 7. his carseat 8. clothes 9. stroller 10. escargot 11. vitamins 12. certain hats 13. socks and all other footwear 14. your normal speaking voice 15. most every song i've ever written (please no need to add anything here) 16. his mom and i having dinner or lunch or even breakfast together 17. going to bed 18. waking up 19. extended direct eye contact 20. your face 21. kids today 22.santa claus 23. the bcs 24. being 'swaddled' 25. the unfortunate but now irrevocable decline of the united states as we totally abandon manufacturing in favor of finance

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

happy thanksgiving

i hope everyone has a great holiday-be back with more ranting next week,thanks for saying hi-
(please note family ear heritage kicking in!)