best picture

every housewife/exhausted new mother loves to throw a big oscar party and i'm no exception-i'm going a little butch this year with a very dry white wine and no spritzers but i still think it will be a fabulous evening -the expanded 10 picture category is intriguing and since i've seen all of them (a feat that is quite impressive with hbomb who is now SIX MONTHS) i thought i would weigh in on my likes and dislikes to get you ready for the big event-

1.precious-haven't seen this one yet

2. blind side-i've always thought the beastie boys, eric clapton, and sandra bullock all made their deals with the same demon and am looking forward to the Lord's promised, eventual overcoming of this evil spirit.

3.hurt locker -just saw this one-yes jeremy renner is great but the movie is severely flawed -the ending is a give up and the cameos are absolutely pointless to blatantly distracting -ralph fiennes shows up just to get shot, david morse to wear a mustache and look intense and the hot girl from lost makes an appearance to chop vegetables and cry -plus, can we please get some distance from the iraq war before we start dramatizing it?-GEEZE

4.an education- i have no idea what this is

5. up- what can i say about this movie that hasn't already been said? - you know the drill -the first 10 minutes are the most heartbreaking of all time of any movie ever made -animated or not- and then after that it's a great kids movie that i loved as well -if this wins i would be happy but weirded out that it did

6.inglorious basterds- man trailers can be so misleading - i think this and 'up in the air' are perfect examples of the ol bait and switch -i truly thought this was going to be you know, madcap black comedy, but it's an intense, bloody, thoroughly engaging drama and in my opinion should win best picture -the dialogue alone -Quentin Tarantino is the master -he seems to be the only director that cares about his actors needing to actually SAY SOMETHING -the revenge fantasy part is a little off putting to me but still the movie is original, powerful, lasting. IB won the screen actors guild which is supposed to be the precursor but they'll never let QT have it -he's the mark cuban of hollywood -as a side note -please see jackie brown if you haven't-so underrated and nobody ever knows what i'm talking about when i bring it up-

7. district 9-do you remember when you were young and had zero cares and your spirt was uncrushed and you sat in a theatre and were just totally lost in the film and forgot you were sitting in a chair and then it was over and you were like ' OH WOW'? yes that was a terrible run on sentence but that's how this movie made me feel -i really believed in movies again after watching this one-i am so thankful i saw this in the theatre-the social commentary is biting but not heavy handed and the sci fi aspect is never ridiculous but feels authentic-like human beings have desperately been seeking alien life since the dawn of time and it arrives so we put it in a ghetto because it's not what we had envisioned -Sharlto Copely is one of those actors you watch and wonder why in the hell haven't you seen more of him and less of say, well, other well known south african action/ sci fi heroes -

8. a serious man- haven't seen this one either

9. up in the air - really the marketing for this one is particular - it's pretty hilarious -

i do feel for people who think they're getting a light hearted little george clooney farce because you really do get blindsided by the heaviness of this one- it's a good movie but not great -not great at all -in fact if you want great see michael clayton -clooney should have won for that and if they give him best actor for this well then it's his 'departed' -you know how they gave scorsese the oscar for the departed just because they failed to give it to him for goodfellas?-in fact they should have a special oscar called a scorsese just for these moments- jeff bridges will get his scorsese this year i think -(totally robbed for fisher king)

10. avatard- sigh-i hated this movie - i hated it when i walked out of it and i hate it even more as i try and remember the 8 other great films it rapes and pillages. I wouldn't have such contempt for it if james cameron didn't so arrogantly think you should buy into his bullshit with all your heart and soul-i'm so glad i caught him accepting his golden globe because it helped me pinpoint why i hated it avatard so much- as he was accepting the award in klingon, i realized how much i don't like HIM and you know, a movie (if done correctly) is just an extension of the directors personality- all the characters are cartoons even when not -the tree hugging heroine is named 'grace' -good god -the military peeps all run around and scream 'GITCHA SOME' -the aliens are being exploited by an evil corporation -SOUND FAMILIAR, RIPLEY? also sigourney weaver constantly smoking in her space lab in this day and age is the stupidest looking prop of the year-so i came up with a new word for you -

camerooned-this unfortunate phenomenon occurs when one has his own head stuck so far up his own ass that there is no possible chance of returning it to the surface-

there you have it - oscar night is as important as christmas or the superbowl to women like me so i hope you'll take my thoughts to heart and have a great party!

sad day

i'm very sorry i've been away-we're making another record so i've been writing again

but i'm back because people are threatening me!

this is a sad day- i realized today i love my kid more than my dogs-i don't know when this happened but it has happened -i've ordered pleated jorts and a braided belt and a cell phone holster-i'm done, finished

hbomb returns with reviews of avatard and the battle between pampers and huggies as well as a review of the remastered sound of music soundtrack

thanks for your patience and we hope you're having a great new year

making a list, checking it twice or until it's RIGHT OR ELSE

i was going thru my christmas list, trying not to buy people the exact same shirt or appliance we had purchased them last year. It occurred to me hbomb has lists now too- in honor of his 4 month old birthday i would like to present them to you

hbombs likes -

1. boobs

2. constant motion

3. 23 16 minute naps spread thru out a 24 hour period

4. ridiculous high pitched voices that finally relieve you of your last shred of dignity

5. the oompa loompa song from the REAL willy wonka film

6. the first 4 minutes of ANY tv show

hbomb dislikes-

1.his swing 2. 'tummy time' 3. the last 26 minutes of ANY tv show 4. his crib 5. any sleeping pattern not associated with being in trench warfare 6. not being stared at constantly 7. his carseat 8. clothes 9. stroller 10. escargot 11. vitamins 12. certain hats 13. socks and all other footwear 14. your normal speaking voice 15. most every song i've ever written (please no need to add anything here) 16. his mom and i having dinner or lunch or even breakfast together 17. going to bed 18. waking up 19. extended direct eye contact 20. your face 21. kids today 22.santa claus 23. the bcs 24. being 'swaddled' 25. the unfortunate but now irrevocable decline of the united states as we totally abandon manufacturing in favor of finance

happy thanksgiving

i hope everyone has a great holiday-be back with more ranting next week,thanks for saying hi-

(please note family ear heritage kicking in!)

young country as an enigma wrapped inside a fuddruckers

let me define young country thru my eyes-i googled the term and it doesn't really seem to exist as anything tangible-so i'll try and explain if you aren't familiar (garth brooks to the left throwing the javelin at OSU)

young country( as a timeline)-well, around the 70's things started to get a little fishy with your novelty hits and crossovers (um your charlie rich, your mickey gilley uh, yeah, your ray stevens) the 80s were about slicking it up but keeping it real (alabama, conway twitty, your ronnie milsap if you will) the 90's i'm afraid is when we had a tough little marketing major from stillwater, oklahoma named garth brooks appear -you can't pin the entire, final demolition of real country on garth, just like you can't pin the entire holocaust on hitler, but you can make a fine argument. With his degree in marketing tucked under his saddle, the untalented mr. brooks unleashed his cracker barrel touchstone 'no fences' on society, forever destroying any chance real country music had left -oh sure, a dwight yoakam pops up here or an alison krauss pops up there, but that's pure anomaly. This is when 10's of thousands of sorority girls took notice of the hats and belt buckles -this is when garth was hosting frickin' SNL -this is when hank sr started spinning so fast in his coffin that an F5 twister erupted from the Oakwood Annex Cemetery in Montgomery, Alabama. To today, well- i just can't say what it's turned into -it is such a disfigured, wholly unrecognizable abortion that it leaves no trace of the stark, genuinely moving art form my dad forced on me.

i didn't mean to lament so much on the death of country music -that's been done a billion times-the real mystery here is, young country- who buys it and why?who makes it and why?

first i gotta tell you, whenever i was on the road, we would always tune in one of these stations for laughs- the flag, the lord, cold beer, takin' a stand, sexy tractors, lovin' dirt roads! then into the right now- the bizarre transition into emasculated country male singer-singing about his woman's monthly cycle, how she takes the kids to soccer practice (didn't bob wills cover this ground already?)and he's just gosh dang de durned boodle doodle doodle amazed at his baby's love for him. When did the young country hotshot hand over the keys to his truck and his nutsack? So there's that, i mean it's just slumming it for laughs and you would never buy something like this, it's just snarky pass the time bs-but MILLIONS do-they think it's real-they don't appear to understand these songs are being written in conference rooms across america by a team of marketing geniuses aiming right for their rednecks. These songs mean nothing and are about nothing-please ref craig morgan's 'bonfire' for a perfect example of the crass, blatant disrespect country songwriters have for their audience currently. It's not EVEN CATCHY- WHY WOULD YOU BUY THIS-BECAUSE IT'S ABOUT PARTYING?/? IS THAT REALLY IT? yeah it is!- the genre now is whatever cliche is being hammered into the brain of american society and then you build a 'song' around it- i have a bunch i've kind of half started so here you go nashville, these are on me -'too much information' 'tell it to the hand' 'sucks to be you' 'it was my bad' 'he's been drinkin' (the kool aide) again' and the ballad for the female recording artist, (i've noticed girls don't get to be funny in young country -just serious or sassy) 'what color is the sky in your world?'

the second part is the most disturbing for me as a musician first and then as a fan. I realize nobody wants to hear that being on the road sucks and all the countless hours you spend writing, rehearsing , recording, revising , eating fast food , various intense pressures, i could go on-all i'm saying is you have to be insane to do this for any other reason than you love it with all your heart and soul- and i know these guys (your trace adkins, your toby keith, er uh your brad paisley-etc etc etc) didn't set out on this journey to be shoveling

this shit-that seems impossible - YOU COULD NOT KNOWINGLY WANT TO SING 'HONKY TONK BADONKADONK' i just can't imagine being in the booth, singing that seriously -i did one jingle my entire 'career' just to see what it was like -i felt so dirty and ashamed i literally ran home and took a bath-you could dig a ditch or landscape or help the elderly rather than record and toxify the world with one more of these calculated insults. I just don't know how you go out and sing it night after night-money ain't everthing, cowboy. As a fan of all the greats, you know who they are, it just makes me sad. I know things change and progress but that doesn't mean it has to become unlistenable feces- i love the ridiculous pop song que sara sara from 1956 and i love the ridiculous pop song womanizer now-there's still good to be found in all music from then and now is what i'm saying-except for country-and man, you used to be beautiful...

my favorites playlist

lonesome fugitive -merle haggard

lost highway-hank willilams sr

the grand tour-george jones-

why me lord-kris kristofferson

under your spell again-buck owens

sunday morning coming down-johnny cash

mind your own business-hank williams sr

she thinks i still care-george jones

there stands the glass-ted hawkins version is awesome

hello walls-willie nelson

crazy-patsy cline

she's got you-patsy cline

night life-willie nelson

don't worry about me-marty robbins

you're gonna change or i'm gonna leave-hank sr

this time-dwight yoakam

sorry you asked? -dwight yoakam

alison krauss-new favorite

alison krauss-who can blame you

that's good for now

Clifford the Big Red Fraud

Apparently, this clifford is a dog that has grown to the size of Kong because emily loved him so. This abomination then drives the howards out of their swank brownstone because obviously they can't afford the bulldozer it would require to scoop his messes. After hbomb and i sat thru perhaps the worst, most tone deaf theme song in television history, we settled in for what i hoped what would be a quiet, blissful 30 minutes of mild anesthesia. Today's episode was entitled 'fishing lessons' but in all actuality, it was a lesson learned it shotty character development and stereotypically reinforced gender roles. Seems that charlie likes to fish and promises to show emily how. Emily then of course has dreams about it and shows up the next day for her lesson- but then just like a man, charlie forgets his commitment and blows her off to fly his buddy's glider. Emily drops everything to change plans for her prince and they head to the park to fly the plane.

What are we teaching our kids here? Should emily also keep 5 paces behind charile? Deplorable. Oh, the heartbreak continues, when emily goes out and buys several books on fishing because charlie reschedules for the next day-Guess what ? Charlie hears about the hot new rope swing being put up by emilys jealous, manipulative 'friend' jenna- Ain't it always the way ? Teaching guys to be wary of the slightly less attractive best friend always 3rd wheeling it is a true life lesson to be learned, but isn't this slightly advanced information??

Emily constantly cries on an animal's shoulder that in real life (or in a bruckheimer film) would have been caged and experimented on by the government in the first frame.

Emily ends up alone fishing by herself, putting her sandwich on her line as bait. I can't even begin to get into everything wrong with this cluster so i'll just stop here. But you should know Charlie finally shows up, offers a half assed apology you know he doesn't mean, and then instructs Emily on the man's oldest and most studied craft-LYING-Thanks charile, go ahead and tell them we're not really listening about their day as well. I will say that at least the show instructs children to catch and release. You would never want to eat something as precious and as adorable as a bass.

i still don't know why clifford was even in this episode or why he's around at all

and hbomb was infuriated 90 seconds in- we switched back to college football which works so much better on all levels -

irobot roomba dog agitator

ok, so you know the tired bit on how we're all supposed to have jetpacks by now, right? well, i guess when i sat down with my box of white and whitman's sampler in front my computer that DOES NOT TAKE DICTATION YET (thanks shatner for leading me astray in so many areas), i was hoping this fantasy was inching closer with the roomba- haven't you always wanted a robot to vacuum your house? or replace you when asked to watch abc's brothers and sisters? if you resemble a gray and silver deep dish pizza, you could get away with it, otherwise you're screwed.

so, i admit it i was a little tipsy during a woot off ( you know about woot?-i was real late on this-woot.com) and the irobot roomba is always offered on this site at a great discount. Since i'm not packing up my gear at 230 a.m. anymore and collecting my apple stand money from the club, i need something to do when i'm drinking in the early morning hours.

Sorry, this is a review of the roomba, not some crazy, pathetic rant on my 3 highs and 19099283747 lows in the music biz. If your idea of the future is an electronic bar stool whizzing around your living room and scaring the holy hell out of your dogs but not cleaning up anything worth a damn, then for you, the future is now. The roomba kinda gathers dog hair and whatever else it finds in a little pile and then just leaves it there. Like if you wanted somebody to rake your house into piles of disgusting garbage for you so you could get it later. with a REAL vacuum cleaner. That's about all it really does, and it gets stuck under couches and chairs constantly-it makes this unnerving high pitched revving noise when caught and you feel guilty and responsible and you run and bail out yet another person in your life that's let you down. Your latest piece of buyers remorse also has a feature called 'spot clean' that i must say, is at least, hilarious. When you press 'spot'- the vacuum starts spinning in a tiny circle and then gradually widens its diameter, doing nothing but looking even more drunk than i was when i bought it.

I would say it was almost worth the money just to watch my dogs go totally insane during operation, but i get the same reaction out of them when i chase them around with a broom that was 105 dollars cheaper.

also, don't drink and woot, you'll be sorry

www.woot.com

www.irobot.com -hahaha- i just saw on their site the lead review quote is referencing the jetsons. stupid jetpack bit........