Wednesday, October 14, 2009

baby myth busters #3- did you ever think you'd love something this much /instant attachment

i can't think of a more crushing let down than this set in stone, set on infinite loop, heard it so much it's white noise, thought of it as so true it's like gravity, absolute. Our parents have told us this over and over and over and you see it in movies and on the teevee. Your kid pops out- and hearts and flowers and perfume from heaven strangles the delivery room with so much instant love you start weeping like you're sitting in front of a 24 hour terms of endearment marathon (or whatever, just every time i walk in to a room and this is on, people are sobbing profusely). Well, this didn't happen to me. I was amazed and agawk at the miracle of birth. And i did feel this totally unexpected tidal wave of love for my wife (nobody really talks about this part which is bizarre to me) not that i didn't love her before, but just an extra 120 volt shock of it -it's like our entire married life flashed before my eyes and then here she was doing this, it's just so gutsy for a woman to go thru this entire thing- i still get scared when i have blood drawn or fish a splinter out-but not just all that, it was something supernatural and as so many have said, i won't try and describe it (wait i just tried to describe it) So, i'm holding Hbomb -looking down at him and um well, this is nice and strange and maybe we just had a new dog that you can't leave locked up in the kitchen when you go out. I really didn't know what to think -there was this totally new found sense of confidence though, just holding him. I don't mean like confidence tie or firm handshake or work the room but baby confidence- like this baby didn't feel to me like something from outer space covered in glass shards and made of paper mache like the other ones did-i knew how to handle him and i wasn't nervous ( ok,slightly nervous) .And. That. Was. it...................................
I was intrigued and happy he was here and very curious as to how he would influence our very established routine (married 10 years now) but the hallmark, 'knocked up' stupid cliche scene was undeniably absent. I didn't freak out, i just waited for the cloud of magic love to
slide into position over mine and hbomb's giant heads and rain down. But over the next 36 hours of the nurse coming in every 2 hours to administer motrin and getting to sleep on a cot fit for the drifter you let you do a couple of chores and then tell him to move on, nothing.
I had talked to a couple of my friends with kids and they had all alluded to this being the case but in a very hush hush kind of way. THIS IS SOMETHING WE DON'T TALK ABOUT. i guess that's why your parents hammer you on it so much so when you have your own you don't run off to belize. You have to give it a second......
As i get to know Hbomb and take care of him and love on him i do notice my cruel heart covered in black tar starting to beat. I realized i was super attached and could not stop watching him. And then it hit me, having a baby is much like anybody else in your life, you get to know this person and you take him into your life and your family. And then the kind of supernatural God part of it kicks in-this is YOUR flesh and blood- and co-mingles with that and now we're talking. So in conclusion and in summary (tim calhoun snl) yeah it does happen just not the way they say, or at least not to me -i'm not a monster?

1 comment:

  1. I'm with you there, brough. We had the horrible feeling that someone had switched babies, cause this wrinkled alien with the giant head (that looked like the missus's grampa) didn't look anything like the cherubic baby we were expecting.