Thursday, October 22, 2009

the vizsla

let me start this by saying i've made some mistakes in my life. Giant life altering, course changing, soul scarring ones that have had such toxic effects they have obliterated other peoples lives. But nothing compares to the one i made when i brought a vizsla puppy home. this may sound melodramatic to you, but does an entire bottle of pine sol destroyed on your bed sound like something you could ever recover from? how bout a liter of blue gator-aide punctured and then bandied around the house like a paint sprayer? if you ever needed tar paper or dry wall disposed of, i know a dog that will eat it for you! he likes sheetrock too but that's only if family heirlooms are off that menu that day...

From the first time i had ever seen a frat boy walking one around my neighborhood, i had wanted one-i had everything they had now -northface jacket, braided leather belt, chevy yukon, bottles of southern comfort-this seemed to be the last piece -if i could attain this animal, then i would feel like i had a legitimate right to change my name to will.

The perfect opportunity arose, my dad lost his beloved dog and i knew i had to step in and fill the void for him. he wanted a lab like dog but smaller -the vizsla fits this description perfectly! i found a breeder, drove out to the tyler,tx 'area' to have a looksee. There they were - i have never seen a cuter puppy in my life and that is the truth here. You can't look away and that's when i got busted- the woman breeding these dogs caught my slack jawed gawking at them after i picked out my dad's bitch and said 'you like these dogs don't cha?' i mean i had driven 200 miles out into
the middle of bfe where people sport overalls with no shirt and constantly ask 'you gettin' smart?' hadn't i? ---yes i liked these dogs, in theory, i replied- then quick as you could whittle a corn cob pipe she said, "i'll give you the male for half" we already had 2 dogs-a 3rd is absolute insanity- but i called my wife just to make sure -yep, indeed she agreed it was a terrible idea, so that's when i wrote the check for our new pup!

When i take him on walks i get stopped constantly-he is that striking -people ask me what kind of dog he is -where can they get one- etc etc- i smile thru my teeth like somebody held hostage being taken into a bank a with a gun inconspicuously stuffed in their ribs-'no, nothing's wrong, having a great day, i would just like to withdraw my life savings today, thanks'

if you don't run this dog 90 minutes a day you have no chance

i have threatened to give him away 1000 times but my wife refuses as the ultimate punishment-even as he knocks her into a painting on the wall as he charges down the hallway-
even as he counter surfs and eats half a block of cheese - did i mention he literally ate half a direct tv remote control? not nibbled -like a great white shark had done the job-
i didn't even yell at him because i knew a strong reprimand was soon to follow in the form of the menu and guide buttons exiting his poopshoot.

i do love him now, he's a year old today and he loves to lick hbombs head-
i can tell he is ready to protect the newest member of the family from flies and squirrels.
but if you want him, let me know......happy birthday zimmerman

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